Praise the Exploitation Gods, SHE MOB has hit DVD! One of the wildest, most insane pieces of celluloid ever unearthed from the bowels of Texas by the SWV clan, everyone has seen at least a snippet of this monstrosity every time they load a Something Weird disc. The svelte butch dyke in pointy bra, licking her lips in close-up? That’s from SHE MOB, and that’s just a hint at the head-reeling madness that permeates the entire film. Paired with another equally obscure and nonsensical marvel, NYMPHS ANONYMOUS, this is a depraved double feature the likes of which even the most hardened cult film nuts may not be prepared for! Buckle your seatbelt, pardner, your life is about to be changed forever!

Somebody in Texas must have seen FASTER PUSSYCAT and SHE-DEVILS ON WHEELS at the drive-in, rolled those two into a ball, then rolled said ball in a helping of Texas pit beef to create SHE MOB, possibly the mightiest Lone Star cult film of all time. Meet Big Shim, a giantess of a dyke in black leather and a bra so pointy it could put your eyes out! She’s fresh out of the clink, towing her quartet of female companions to a deserted farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. Twig is a pixie-haired blonde constantly go-go dancing to her trusty radio (like Lori Williams in PUSSYCAT); Harriet is a dark-haired brunette, wearing groovy sunglasses (like Ruby Tuesday in SHE-DEVILS); Lorenz is a blonde with two giant moles on her chin; and Baby is Big Shim’s personal plaything, with a pair of rock-hard implants looking ready to burst at any second. While Big Shim meets her carnal desires while watching Baby masturbate in bed, Lorenz and Harriet are man-hungry, and demand some fun of their own. Enter Tony, a handsome gigolo being kept by local businesswoman Brenda, who is introduced crooning in the bathtub. After convincing Tony to leave his meal ticket for an afternoon of orgies, Big Shim pulls a gun on him and plans on ransoming him for some of Brenda’s impressive wealth (“Don’t call the cops or your boyfriend will be made into a choirboy!”). With Tony missing, Brenda seeks the aid of Sweetie East, a busty blonde private dick (obviously ripped off of “Honey West”, she even carries a cat that looks like an ocelot!) in tracking down her live-in lover. But when Tony tries to escape with the help of Baby, he incurs the wrath of Big Shim and her trusty shotgun!

Need I say more? SHE MOB is required viewing not only for Something Weird fans, but for anyone who thinks they’ve seen absolutely everything the cult genre has to offer. One wonders if John Waters saw this and pulled some ideas from it, but I doubt this crossed the Texas state line. Probably shot in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area (the wardrobe is credited to “Robin’s of Dallas”), it’s a shame there is virtually nothing known about the production of this film or the people who made it. The library music should be familiar from the Southern-fried sex films of Dale Berry, another Texas exploiteer, so one wonders if he was somehow involved with this one… There is no director credit, and it’s pretty much guaranteed everyone worked under a pseudonym here (except perhaps distributor Alfred N. Sack), so the identities behind this messterpiece will probably remain a mystery for the ages. In addition to the obvious questions about the director, I want to know more about Marni Castle! As the credits say, “Marni Castle as BIG SHIM…and also BRENDA!” Ms. Castle, whoever the hell she is, surely had a big pair of brass ones to tackle both the heroine and villain roles, and surprisingly, she pulls off both with gusto! Surprisingly, there is some nice photography on display here, namely some interesting dolly shots and framing compositions, but the real reason to watch is the list of ingredients: big hair, outrageous dialogue, murderous lesbians, Southern accents, sleazy atmosphere, huge-breasted women, gaudy costumes, threadbare production values, Tony getting whipped while dressed in a black bra and panties (!), a shocking gore scene, a topless karate fight, a never-ending shootout, and a shotgun-wielding chase scene culminating in an intense car chase! There’s even a black club owner being pawed by a busty black girl, a rarity in films from the South during this time due to race issues, and some male nudity! The genius of SHE MOB’s appeal can’t be put into words; just trust me on this one, it’ll be one of your new favorites!

Like SHE MOB, NYMPHS ANONYMOUS opens with fast-paced, inventive titles with a similar editing scheme, culminating in a freeze-frame of Michelle Angelo’s heaven-sent mammaries underneath the film’s title as she jumps out of a pool! Cut to the opening shot of a cigarette dispenser, in the shape of a mule, shooting a cigarette out of its asshole for a lovely lady desiring a smoke. Don’t stop now, there’s no turning back, it just gets crazier from here! You’re in a meeting of the Federation, aka “Nymphs Anonymous”, an organization of ladies who just can’t get enough. That’s right, these women are sex-crazy and proud of it! They do have some problems, though: “membership desertion is up 25%, death from exhaustion and heart attacks is up 10% and the suicide rate doubled!” The Federation even kills off ex-husbands who attempt blackmail and has plush resorts around the world for its members to practice their swinging sex lives. Laura Ellis is a new applicant to the society, who has grown tired of her current muscleman husband Stan and craves men with more stamina in bed. While she waits to be admitted to the group, she tries to seduce her bill collector, a geeky vacuum-cleaner salesman, and her bearded fat psychiatrist, and finally has an “Emergency Squad” sent to please her needs: two studs (“What? Only two of you?”, she laments)!! Whoops, hubby comes home early and catches her, leading him to snap and go on a shooting spree wearing a monster mask and wielding a sniper rifle (Lee Frost must have seen this before making ZERO IN AND SCREAM)! But he is soon forced into serving as one of the Federation’s love slaves after killing off two of their best studs!

NYMPHS ANONYMOUS deserves a bigger following, dammit! It’s funny as hell, packed with beautiful ladies, and the script is as weird and whacky as these films come! Not surprising, considering this flick is the work of Manuel S. Conde, known for his excellent sex comedies (THE DICKTATOR, DEEP JAWS). The box copy says Walt Davis wrote this one, but he’s nowhere on the credits and it’s not nearly sick enough to be the product of his deranged mind. Nope, this is one is just pure fun all the way, and comes easily recommended. What makes it funny is that the filmmakers are in on the joke, with dialogue filled with sexual innuendo and intentional jokes and sight gags aplenty. Pseudonyms hide the identities of most of the cast, but hardcore exploitation fans will recognize a few familiar faces: Helena Clayton (BRICK DOLLHOUSE, RED ROSES OF PASSION) is a high society lady with two male suitors who rip her clothes off and beat the shit out of her as part of her fantasy; Michelle Angelo (whose giant breasts and large red nipples made her the top mens’ magazine model of the 60s before Uschi Digart came along) is barely in the film as the opening credits girl and later as a lesbian with a black eye in a catfight; and an unnamed actor familiar from GOOD TIMES WITH A BAD GIRL and THE LOVE CULT plays the district attorney who watches his wife with other men. Exploitation stud Gary Kent appears under a pseudonym (can’t figure out which is him) as one of the Federation’s love slaves, mono-named actor Gordon is the studly husband Stan, and many more shirtless musclemen show up to please the nymphs, providing male beefcake (and nudity) to counteract the plentiful naked ladies. Watch for morbidly obese Jack King (THE TOY BOX) as the psychiatrist! Additionally, you gotta love the free-for-all theme song performed by The Sense of Humor, driven by an out of control organ player and with lots of off-key crooning.

Many of the crew members on this film would become sexploitation legends in their own right, including screenwriter Jean Van Hearn, assistant cameraman Ed De Priest, sound man Paul Hunt, and unit manager Bethel Buckalew! Van Hearn would tackle suburban swinging in LOVE ME LIKE I DO; De Priest produced some pretty terrible skinflicks like ONE MILLION AC/DC, but his wife Lyllah Torrena is a personal favorite of mine; Hunt worked behind-the-scenes on a number of classics, including THE SCAVENGERS, MANTIS IN LACE, and WILD FREE AND HUNGRY; and Buckalew made a few “corn porn” films for Harry Novak (most of them under his name were done by Pete Perry, though). Buckalew also appears in the cast, as do future directors Don Jones (THE LOVE BUTCHER) and Mike Weldon (HEDONISTIC PLEASURES)!

SHE MOB is transferred from what is probably the last remaining print in existence, and looks as good as it possibly could. Print jumps and splices obliterate some dialogue, and some issues with fuzzy photography are due to the technology of the time. The mono audio is delivered nicely. Unfortunately the presentation of NYMPHS ANONYMOUS is ruined because of two reels being misplaced!! For some reason, at 38:06, the sequence where Stan comes out of a bush with his mask and rifle to kill Laura is abruptly interrupted and we cut to Laura dragging a body out of her car trunk and Stan, shirtless and sans mask, putting another body in the trunk after she exits. THEN directly after that sequence, we cut to Stan laying in bed with the busty blonde professor who has taught him how to have sex, AFTER he has been blackmailed into being a love slave. What happened to this lengthy sequence of him trying to kill Laura and being blackmailed, then being educated on how to be a love slave? It appears LATER, at 57:08! So to recap: it appears that reels 3, 4 and 5 have been switched around, resulting in even more confusion in this already madcap fiasco of a film! From 38:06 to 1:14:01, the whole film is a big mess. Only at 1:14:02 does it get back on-track. Make sense? Not to me either.

Here is the sequence in which everything is supposed to take place:

1-Stan comes down to kill Laura, but she seduces him and sleeps with him. She then leaves and he’s kept at bay inside the house by a sniper sent by the Federation. He’s blackmailed into becoming a love slave.
2-Stan is educated in the ways of love by a blonde professor.
3-A woman who’s into being beaten comes over and lets Stan rip her dresses off and manhandle her.
4-The district attorney and his busty wife come over to give Stan some business.

Here is the sequence in which it takes place on the DVD:

1-Stan comes down from the hills; cut to Stan finishing with the blonde professor.
2-A woman who’s into being beaten comes over and lets Stan rip her dresses off and manhandle her.
3-The district attorney and his busty wife come over to give Stan some business (incomplete)
4-Stan tries to kill Laura, but is seduced and sleeps with her. He’s then kept at bay inside the house by a sniper and blackmailed into becoming a love slave.

See? All over the place! It’s too bad SWV didn’t catch this problem and fix it before releasing it onto DVD…!